Conquering the Confidence Gap So You Can Show Up for Your Business

[00:00:00] Welcome everyone. Jennifer Henczel here of the Women in Podcasting show. And I’m so thrilled to bring you our guest today, Valerie McTavish. Now I first came upon Valerie McTavish when I was doing one of her trainings. I signed up for one of her trainings and I was so impressed and so thrilled and delighted with how she did the training and what she offered, the high value that was in the training, and I just had to have her on the show.

[00:00:24] So Valerie, welcome. Oh, thank you so much for having me, Jennifer. It’s an absolute pleasure. And we’ve connected and we’ve been collaborating a little bit since then, I can tell you that Valerie walks her talk and really knows her stuff. So today we’re going to be talking about conquering the confidence gap so you can show up for your business.

[00:00:43] Now, this is something that every podcaster needs, every speaker needs, everybody who’s live streaming, any kind of presentation of yourself, a personal branding, Valerie can help you.[00:01:00]

[00:01:03] Welcome to the women in podcasting show. Enjoy inspiring stories, interesting interviews, and powerful strategies from women around the world. Jennifer Henczel spotlights today’s top podcasters, new podcasters, and expert guests. Get tips for leveling up your life, gaining visibility, growing your business, monetizing your podcast, and so much more.

[00:01:26] We invite you to support women in finding their voice and sharing their passion. It’s all about women empowering women. So Valerie, tell us how you got going. What brought you to this expertise? So I actually started in video way back in the nineties, uh, when my, I started my career and, uh, I had all the audacity of my youth to like demand to be given opportunities and just kind of put myself out there without any.

[00:01:59] Thinking twice [00:02:00] about it. Didn’t think twice about it. Um, and it wasn’t until I was faced with, uh, yeah, I was in a mastermind group. I was sharing my idea for my business with this mastermind group and they pointed out to me the most obvious thing, which was that my business had nothing to do with my expertise.

[00:02:18] It had nothing to do with video, had nothing to do with communication or radio or media or anything. And they wanted to know why, and I just really was so upset that they were pigeonholing me, at least that’s what my little brain told me, right, because we protect ourselves. And so I thought they were pigeonholing me, and I was really upset about it, and there were tears, and I couldn’t really grasp, uh, why this was so hard for me.

[00:02:46] And it dawned on me, even though I had jumped in and filled in for hosts and done live television, I’d done live radio talk show hosted talk shows where nobody was calling in and I just had to fill the time I’d done all [00:03:00] of that. But when it came to showing up for myself on camera, talking about my business.

[00:03:08] I was terrified. I was so afraid of the judgment. I was so afraid of what people would think of me putting myself out there. I was so afraid of screwing up and not being good enough. I was so afraid that people would say, Oh, here’s this woman. She thinks she’s an expert in video and look at her videos. I was just, I was filled with fear and I didn’t even realize that that’s what was stopping me.

[00:03:33] And so in that moment, that sort of like, light bulb moment, I realized, okay, that’s the truth of it. Now that you’re facing it, what are you going to do about it? And if you’re this scared, you know, if, if I have this much terror, when I know how to do videos, I know how to get on camera. I know how to use the equipment.

[00:03:51] I know how to write scripts. I know all of the other stuff I’d been writing video strategies for other companies for years. And I’m [00:04:00] terrified. How hard is it for other entrepreneurs? How hard is it for other female entrepreneurs? And that was it. That was like, No more, no more hiding, no more playing. I need to show up.

[00:04:11] I need to show up for these women because I have enough information to help them get past it. And that’s when I started to really work on what does it take to get over the confidence gap? What does it take to set your mindset so that you can show up for your business? Oh, that’s amazing. That’s amazing.

[00:04:28] I mean, so many of us have encountered this. And so the fact that you’re helping people with this, this is so timely to now, especially with so many more people that who have moved online. Right? So, even, uh, you know, I’ve done a lot of offline speaking. Moving that to video took me so long, you know, I put it off for years, like you’re saying just, you know, and I did it for other companies that I worked for and all this kind of stuff.

[00:04:56] And then finally, I went full time for my own business in 2012 [00:05:00] and, you know, my progress in that 1 area, every other area excelled, but, you know, just the smallest little steps at a time. And so then that’s what you call the calf, the confidence gap. Yeah, so the confidence gap. It’s not just on video, right?

[00:05:17] The confidence gap exists. Across the board. So you’ve probably heard of the wage gap, right? We hear about this in when not entrepreneurs necessarily, although it does exist with entrepreneurs, but more in the workforce where men and women don’t make the same amount, right? That’s the wage gap. Well, there’s also a confidence gap.

[00:05:35] There’s this disparity between the level of confidence of men and the level of confidence of women. And it’s been going on since it’s been building since we were kids. And it exists because of sexism, double standards, uh, misogyny, um, gender stereotypes, right? It exists also because [00:06:00] of the way that women treat each other, that we’ve learned to treat each other, where we compare ourselves, where we judge each other, where we, uh, give value for things that don’t really relate to what someone’s worth is.

[00:06:16] And so, Not only does the, the confidence gap exist, we sometimes make it deeper and a lot of us completely ignore it either because we want to believe that it’s not there and we’re, you know, super women and we can conquer anything and sometimes because we’re so entrenched in it, we can’t see that we’re in it.

[00:06:39] Right. And so this is something that I started to really understand as I was looking into what was happening for me. Why, what, why could I be confident when I was showing up for a business when I had a role to play on air, but I couldn’t show up for myself. And it was because that confidence gap existed.

[00:06:59] It was [00:07:00] because the confidence gap had taught me. That people would, the thought process was if I show up claiming to have a business, if I show up saying, I know all of these things, if I show up being this person who has something to offer, the world is going to think I’m full of myself. The world is going to think that I have an ego and my entire life.

[00:07:27] I’ve been told to be humble my entire life. I’ve been told good girls. Don’t brag, right? Nobody wants. To, to data know it all, right? The bimbos always get the guy. So this is the conditioning, whether we agreed with it or not, it was there, it existed, it is deeply ingrained into our thought process, and so often we don’t even realize it’s what’s stopping us.

[00:07:57] Yeah. So what is the first step for [00:08:00] conquering the confidence gap? We just did it. The first step is understanding and it’s there acknowledging it. Right. Literally, when we know it exists, we can see it. We can understand it. We can start to plan to navigate it. We sometimes there’s so much shame around feeling like you, you can’t do it.

[00:08:22] Right. Like, I wish I was more confident. And you, you feel like it’s something wrong with you now, you know, it’s not something wrong with you. It’s something you were taught, which means you can unteach yourself, right? You were conditioned this way. You can uncondition yourself. So step one is, Hey, learning that it’s real and remembering it exists.

[00:08:45] So that when those confidence challenges come up and those fears come up, we can literally go, wait a minute, is this a real fear? Is this the confidence gap? So what else can we do to build confidence on camera? [00:09:00] So one of the key things with building confidence on camera is through clarity, because when we’re really clear about our strategy.

[00:09:10] On camera, when we’re really clear about why we’re showing up on video, it makes it a lot easier to show up, right? When you don’t know what you’re doing, you don’t know if it’s going to work. You don’t know who’s watching. Yeah, it’s a little bit harder to show up. So this is why I say clarity breeds confidence.

[00:09:27] You want to make sure that you know, first of all, what you expect your videos to do for your business. What is the intention of those videos? Why are you creating videos? Right? You want to know who you’re creating those videos for so that you can customize those videos and you can speak directly to your ideal client.

[00:09:44] You can show up exactly where they’re watching videos. So you need to know who you’re talking to. You need to understand that problem from their perspective. The problem you solve with your business is something you need to understand on a deep level so that your videos cut through. You [00:10:00] also really want to know where Those videos are going to play how long they need to be.

[00:10:05] This is all based on how people are. Your ideal customer is consuming video so that you can be creating the right kinds of video and putting them in the right places for those videos to resonate. And then the last piece is to have that strategy, that structure to be consistent, right, creating that content calendar and having that consistent message so that when people are getting to know you, they’re getting to know the part of you, the whole you that is related to how you solve their problem, how you can help them.

[00:10:35] So as entrepreneurs, we need to be really clear about what our core messages and create videos that are consistent with that core message. I just noticed your sign behind you. It’s confidence, clarity, confidence. I love that. So yeah. And you are so confident and natural on camera. I can’t even imagine you not being confident like that.

[00:10:56] So, but what do you do when your confidence [00:11:00] falters or, you know, something unexpected happens? Do you have any tips around that? And it does happen. It still happens. Sometimes I get that pit in my stomach. I don’t want to do it. Right. Here’s the one thing I do. It’s really simple. I switch from thinking about the message I’m sharing and start thinking about the message and how people need to receive it.

[00:11:25] Right. So go from it about being about me. To it being about them, right? It’s just a bit of a paradigm shift. And when you can go from this place of self judgment, which is what’s holding you back to a place of service, it just makes it so much easier to say yes, right? Because then all of the excuses you have don’t measure up, right?

[00:11:52] That’s a bad hair day. Yeah. But those people don’t care about that. They just need this message, right? Well, I’ve got a little spot that for some [00:12:00] reason, the makeup’s not covered. Nobody cares. You’re here to help. You’re not here to show up and be perfect. And so every single time that I feel that resistance, that I feel that lack of confidence coming up, I just go, okay, remember the people who you are here to help.

[00:12:19] And if that fails, then I have this one little trick that helps me trip over and remember who I’m here to serve. And it’s a little something I call my kudos collection. So this is something you should be doing. Everyone should be doing this, right? We all get. If we’ve been in business and we, you know, we’ve been around for a little while, even if you’re just starting out every single comment, you get email, you get someone saying that makes so much sense.

[00:12:46] You really helped your training was amazing. Collect those. Don’t let them slide by, put them in a collection. I have a Google document full of comments, [00:13:00] little comments, big comments, like full on testimonials. They’re all in one place. And it’s my little confidence boost whenever I’m feeling like, Oh, is this really resonating with anyone?

[00:13:12] Does anyone really need me to show up today when I don’t feel like it? I look at that and I go, okay, it does work. It does help what I’m doing is useful. And this puts us in that position, right? This is, again, this is the conditioning of the confidence gap where we’re not supposed to say stuff like that, right?

[00:13:33] We’re not supposed to think things like that. But when you have your own personal kudo collection that you can refer to, it’s like having your own personal cheerleader. Oh, I love that. That’s so amazing. I mean, that’s, that’s a great tip. That’s a really good idea. That’s a really good idea. Yeah. So do you have any other tips or things you want to add about, you know, building up confidence to be on camera?

[00:13:57] Well, this is the one that people don’t like to hear [00:14:00] and it is, you got to start. Right. Build up the confidence through the clarity. Remember that you aren’t there to share your message. You’re there to release your message to be received, right? Those things are great. But when it comes down to it, you got to hit record.

[00:14:18] You got to hit publish. And there’s always going to be a first video. And that first video is never going to be as good as your 100th video, but you’ve got to start with number one. So you’ve got to create these videos. You’ve got to get over the nerves of publishing those videos and just start practice.

[00:14:35] You’ll get better. You know, nobody expects. To like, watch a hundred people ride a bike and then get on a bike for the first time and know exactly what to do, right? You have an idea, you know how it works. The thing is, everyone has to have that first go. Maybe they’re going to fall down. Maybe they have someone supporting them.

[00:14:56] Maybe it takes them a while before they’re not wobbly. [00:15:00] But the thing is, if you looked at that bike and said, I really want to ride that bike, but I’m too embarrassed for people to see me try. You’ll never ride a bike. So create those first videos. They’re going to be bumpy. They’re going to be rough. It doesn’t matter.

[00:15:16] Get your message out there and start. And remember that perfection is something only you want. Your audience does not want you to be perfect. Your audience wants you to be relatable. Perfect is not relatable. So let go of the perfection. Let go of the fear of the first time. There’s always going to be a first time, so make it happen and give yourself a little bit of grace.

[00:15:42] That’s really encouraging. I mean, you know, there’s a lot of learning that happens and taking that leap too. And so absolutely, absolutely. I mean, this is the, this is such an important part. I don’t want to skip by it because until you do jump out there until you put your videos out there, you’re never going to [00:16:00] learn what it is that your audience wants from you.

[00:16:03] Right. And so if you go at it with that scientist’s mind and you think, okay, this is the great experiment, we’re going to do 6 videos. And probably 2 videos are going to be good and 4 videos are going to get no, no interest. If you go in with that sort of scientific mindset of like, we’re testing, let’s see what what sticks.

[00:16:23] Let’s see what gets engagement. It makes it a lot easier for you to accept that. Okay. Well, that 1 didn’t work, but we tested it. So now we know that’s amazing. Yes. Do you know how many what’s my maximum number of takes? Do you want to know on something that I kept redoing? Like, I definitely want to know.

[00:16:42] 78. Okay. So anybody out there who’s listening to this, watch Valerie’s stuff and you will not have to do 78 takes of anything, right? So there’s just, you know, done is better than perfect. Absolutely. [00:17:00] Absolutely. And you know what? You’ll only do 78 takes once. And then you’re going to step back from it and you’re going to go, you know what?

[00:17:05] I ended up publishing take two because it didn’t get better. And I just got caught up in my own stuff and I wasn’t authentic. And then you realize like, it’s just not worth the takes. It’s really not worth it. So true. So true. So Valerie, tell people how people, how they can connect with you and, you know, get access to some of your amazing stuff.

[00:17:28] Yeah. So the best way to connect with me is through my website, Valerie McTavish. com. Simple as that. Uh, but. What I like to do because I’m so passionate about helping female entrepreneurs get on their path to video confidence is I do offer a free 30 minute video marketing mapping session. So this is where I actually walk you through the nine steps of getting the clarity that you need to be confident and consistent with your videos.

[00:17:51] So we will go through that in that 30 minutes and we’ll talk a little bit about. where you need to focus now based on where you are in your business, right? If you’re [00:18:00] starting out, it’s a different video strategy than if you’re at the point where you’re scaling your business, right? So we’re going to talk a little bit about that.

[00:18:06] We’ll get really clear, get you out of the comparisonism, right? Get you out of the point where you’re like, well, everyone’s on TikTok. So I should be on TikTok or everyone’s doing LinkedIn now. So I should be on LinkedIn or I should start a YouTube. Your strategy needs to be custom because how you connect with your audience is custom, right?

[00:18:24] How you serve is custom. So that’s what we do in the 30 minute session. And at that point, we can talk also whether or not working together is going to be beneficial. At this time, um, because I do have a program. Uh, it’s a 6 month program. It’s a 90 day course, which is walking you through. I personally connect with you and coach you through creating your video strategy, getting confident on camera and making sure you stay consistent.

[00:18:51] There’s a group coaching amazing group of female entrepreneurs that get together once a week and we. Keep each other accountable. And the program [00:19:00] includes one on one coaching. So 15 minutes a week with me one on one to make sure you’re staying on track with your video strategy and with showing up for your business.

[00:19:09] Uh, so that program is, it’s a 90 day course plus the additional coaching and it lasts for six months. And you can learn about that either by booking a free call with me or by checking out my website. Wow, what a huge value. So we’ll have all those links in the Women in Podcasting show notes at womeninpodcasting.

[00:19:26] show. So thank you so much for being here today, Valerie. I really appreciate it. Ah, it’s my pleasure. I could talk confidence all day long. So thanks for letting me do it on your show. Bye for now. Bye bye.

[00:19:46] Bye bye.

[00:19:49] ​